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But then Elke came along to wish me good luck and to tell me that I must save some of my energy for the encounter rooms and Ivo afterwards. There are people who would claim that I debased myself on stage, turned myself into a mere sex object, a receptacle whose only function was to give pleasure to men. But those are not people who would stand up in front of a hundred people to fuck strangers. They don't know my reasons, let alone have the right to judge. Of course I am a sex object. But there is no 'just' about it. I wanted those men to desire me, to imagine themselves between my legs. Some of them were inside my body but I was inside all of their heads. The club did have one rule: every cock on stage had to wear a condom. I dominated them. Every one of the men I pointed to came on stage. I chose two men at a time, and played with their cocks. I told the owner of the one I liked best to lie naked on the cold floor of the stage and impaled myself on his rod. It was my own little. I amso very weak. I can't even move some of these boxes to make some room.The attic seems so very big. Food, God I need food. The only food I canhave is mad at me. I won't give in. I drift off again.I awake in a strange world. I still stink and I must have pissed myselfagain in my sleep.The hungry pains are very bad. I won't give in.I attic seems to have grown more as I get use to the light up here. Idon't know how long I'll been up here. I feel so weak. I try to think.My memory is gone, I can't seem to remember my childhood. Not Grammerschool or even Junior High.After another nap she wins. I can't take it. I must have food. It all Ican think about. I'm scared of the dark. I must give in. Just for now."Please let me out. I promise to be good please, I'll even wear theclothes, please," I call.After I time I call again, pleading more this time, promising again forfood. I start to cry.After a while I hear someone at the door. The light comes on. It hurtsmy eyes. I have to reach up for.
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